Coneflower Ranch: Observations from the sickbed

I don't generally watch a lot of television. Mostly because it feels like I'm wasting time if I'm not also knitting, folding clothes or something else at the same time. I'm not a tv nazi but there isn't much on that holds my interest and over the years there is less and less I want to spend my time watching. This isn't snobbery. Maybe it is, but it's not intended that way. My favorite show for a long time was "Buffy the Vampire Slayer" not some highbrow program on PBS. I love "Scrubs" and I try never to miss "The Colbert Report" which comes on about the time I'm falling asleep at night so I don't always get through the whole program. Since I came home from the emergency room on Sunday I've been able to do little else but sleep and watch TV and it has been interesting.

Daytime television sucks. I have basic cable so it's been 60+ channels of nonsense for two days. I tried to read my book but I couldn't concentrate on it and even when I'm ill there is only so much sleeping I can do. Knitting was out of the question because I needed a hand to hold the hot rice sock up to my incredibly painful ear. By the way, I have renewed sympathy for toddlers with ear infections. I want to cry and bite people too.

I'm not sure who the women are that TV programmers are trying to reach but it's not me. I have absolutely no desire to watch anything on LifeTime television. I'm sorry for all the women in abusive relationships but just how many made for TV movies do we need on the subject. How about a show teaching girls how to pick better men? That seems like a more positive use of the air time. Just a thought. I've given birth five times and remember it well. I don't need to watch someone else go through it. Most of the women who are getting married and having a television crew following them around need to be slapped upside the head. Someone warn the husbands-to-be that these women are nuts. The wedding is important but it's ONE day. The marriage is supposed to last the rest of your life. Perspective please!

As for the advertisers: I don't care that I'm not the same size I was in High School. I'm not a teenager. I'm an adult and I look like one. I happen to think that's a good thing. I'll be forty-two at the end of this month and I have some grey hair coming in. I like it. Apparently I'm a weirdo. But wait, there's more! I've spent forty-two years laughing so there are some lines around my eyes and mouth. Some wide-eyed thirty year old says I need to inject some gel crap into my skin to erase those signs of a life spent giggling and guffawing. There are pills I can take to get rid of the extra sand in my hourglass or I can fork over half the family food budget to get frozen food shipped to me so I can lose weight with some out-of-work actresses. I can use wasteful throw-a-way wipes to clean up what should be a pristine house. And since I don't buy single serving, pre-made, microwaveable, psuedo-food I'm not a cool mom. Heaven Forbid!!

One very interesting thing to watch is the interaction between men and women in commercials. The women frequently treat the men like idiots or children and the men act accordingly. How do you yell at a grown man "Did you leave whiskers in the sink ... Again?" and then respect him as an adult at the dinner party you're supposedly getting ready to attend? How do you sleep with him after that?

One of the worst commercials I saw was for men as a matter of fact. In this particular commercial they try to talk men into spending half the family food budget to lose weight with retired athletes. One of the spokesmen, who acheived results that are not typical but broadcast in big bold type anyway, said in a pleased voice that his wife was "not as disgusted by me anymore." My mouth fell open. So she's still somewhat disgusted? How can you be married to someone who would talk to you like that? What market research did they do that made them decide it was a good quote to put in a weight loss commercial geared toward men? There would never be such a quote from a woman. Any woman whose husband said something like that to her would be crying on Oprah! ::sob:: and then ::: sob::: he said ::: he's not as disgusted by me anymore. :::wailing:::crying::: The camera pans the audience where we see lots of nodding serious, empathetic faces. Oprah rubs the woman's back whispering encouragement as they cut to a commercial.

Most TV commercial couples are a paunchy man and a trim attractive woman. Sometimes you find realistic looking couples but not often. Sometimes it's two ridiculously good-looking people with a small child they aren't old enough to have. The most irritating commercials have bratty kids and indulgent parents. The most insulting commercials have shallow women and/or men who treat indulgences as if they are genuine needs. Then there are the manly men commercials with the decorative women. Are you afraid of men's deodorant? Me either.

I watched all this for two days wondering over and over where the advertisers get the idea that this is typical America. For one horrifying moment I thought that perhaps this is typical America and I am atypical. It was too gruesome a thought. It would explain why the world hates us but I don't think it is an actual portrayal of everyday people. I think this may be what a group of advertising and television executives think typical America ought to be. I could be right about this. Right? Jeese, I hope so.

Comments

OHGosh you poor thing! Being sick sucks and being sick with kids is even worse than being sick and having to travel to a trade show in Chicago and work the booth for two days while sneesing your head off and blowing your nose every fifteen seconds. Honey - I feel for you. But I have bad news for you. The fact that you have correctly identified the evils of commercial programming places you squarely in the rarified one percent of the population who have had that realization... so yes, you are in fact atypical. Scary isn't it?

Posted by: Claudia | August 09, 2007 at 07:42 PM