Art Journal Box full of Hope

I've been toying with the idea of starting an art journal for ages. Part of what's been stopping me is startitis and part of it is a the very stupid fear of doing it wrong. Rationally I know that there is no penalty for ugly art. No one is going to take my children away or foreclose on my house because my art journalling is dumbass. I think it's the ingrained training from years of Catholic school that keeps getting in my way. There was a right and wrong way to do things and when I did things the wrong way there was always some sort of penalty. It has taken me a long time to wriggle out of those constraints and to understand that mistakes aren't fatal or indications of anything wrong with me. I don't know who said it or where I heard it first but hearing "Mistakes happen. That's why pencils have erasers." was very liberating to me.

I've come a long way since High School, (it was an all girls Catholic high school :::shudder:::) and I can start things now without having to know every single step I'm going to take from beginning to end. I can let go enough, most of the time, to just see where an experience or experiment is going to take me. Most people who achieve anything worthwhile didn't know how they were going to get from where they were to where they wanted to be. Learning that freed me up quite a bit. And yet, when I start something, or contemplate starting something, completely new to me, or outside my comfort zone, the old what-if-I-do-it-wrong monster rears her ugly head.

To complicate things even more, the only time I ever kept a journal was in Freshman year religion class. It was part of the curriculum and it was graded. Looking back on that now I'm stunned that anyone would think that was a good idea. How on earth are you supposed to open up and express yourself if someone is going to grade you on it? A journal is supposed to be private. It's supposed to be a safe place to vent, ponder, complain, dream and wonder about all that is. How can you do that if you know someone is going to judge it and perhaps find it wanting? What were they thinking? It would be like standing in front of the class, naked, while they all voice their opinions of your body.

Anyway, Michelle Ward, whose work I love, has posted her Crusade for February. She calls it Pandora's Box. Participants are invited to make a journal kit. Pandora let all the evils of mankind out of the box, but managed to close the box before Hope escaped. So the box is full of hope. I like that idea.

Michelle's reasoning is that it will be much easier to keep a journal, no matter how artsy you choose to make it, if you have all the stuff in one place. You can get as elaborate as you like but that sometimes get in the way of creativity.

I kept it sort of simple: colored pens, water soluble oil pastels, my little travel box of watercolors, glue sticks, a package of ephemera from Silver Crow and of course a blank journal.

The colored pens are a reaction to Catholic school. We were only allowed to use blue or black ink and in grammar school they insisted on cartridge pens. I like cartridge pens but now I fill them with green ink. They do make beautiful marks on the paper and make you be more careful about how you write. I didn't appreciate that as much when I was twelve. I did love it when a friend of mine discovered turquoise ink from Schaeffer and we could use that at school. I felt like such a rebel.

 

I've also included scrap art from different experiments I've done. The angel is a photo of a cemetary monument printed with an inkjet printer and covered with gel medium. The watercolor sketch is one of my very first attempts. It's Pook wading into Lake Wawayanda. There are also scissors and the foil I took off the last can of coffee I opened. It's got a nice heft to it and I have no idea what I might use it for but I threw it in there anyway.

More bits and bobs: a stamped, embossed and colored piece that never got used as originally intended; there are a few sandwich baggies with blank paper tags; double stick tape; an ink pad to use with the number stamps and a set of Inktense pencils.

I guess I'm all set now. I am a little nervous about this but I'm going to do it anyway. To take the pressure off I've mentally committed myself to just journalling for the month of March. How hard can that be? And because I am the person I am and when I want to learn something I find a book on the subject, I went and got this:

Okay. Here we go.

By the way, I'm not promising to post any of these journal pages. I might post them but then again, I might not. It all depends on how naked it makes me feel. You understand.

Comments

[hedwig]

You have made yourself a perfect box to start journaling! And I appreciate your sharing why this is difficult for you. I did not go to a severe catholic school, but my parents told me to do always 'my best'. Can be a treshold too. Do you know what I used to do when I started journaling? I made my page in a journal with wire o bindings and I made the pages on a same sized watercolor paper. If i was not happy with it, i could throw it away. And I always told myself that i was only trying, excercising. So it would not be too serious... Will that help?? Hugs, Hedwig

[hedwig]

bye the way, artist's journals and sketchbooks is a great book, one of my fav's! Hedwig

[michelle ward]

Hey Ellen-Mary! So glad you have found us and are willing to come play. If you've been reading along on the other crusader's blogs you'll know you are not alone - being new to visual journaling. Shake the catholic out of you and get some color on a page with those pens!! (I can say that because I'm a catholic too) I'm so happy you caught the important point - that HOPE is what was left in Pandora's Box. Your box certainly looks full of hope and potential for all kinds of adventure on paper. I say start with that coffee thingie - find out why it spoke to you. You can share with us - we don't grade *wink*

[Chris]

Do you just LOVE Lynne's book? But the greatest thing ever is these crusades, because they get us moving on journalling, and it's good for the soul. MW's service provides a foundation for miracles.

Plus, I hear she's a good dancer.

You go girl, with the recovering Catholic school selection of pen colors! Don't all these great supplies make starting a journal page easier? I don't know what happens to us when we grow up, we get even more nervous about making mistakes and facing a blank page, and as a writer I've struggled with those demons for years. But you have made great steps toward allowing yourself to create something that never before existed! And better yet if the whole world gets to see it!

I'm blabbing, but thank you for sharing.

[Julie]

Fabulous kit...I am sure you can do the journalling thing...if I can...anyone can!

Incidentally I bought that book a couple of years ago and I still dip into it now...in fact I think Michelle has 'stuff' in it as well!

[audrey h.]

I love, love, love your kit and you use the oil pastel crayons too. I can't live without those. Your watercolor pages is fabulous and I adore that angel image.

[Jo Anne]

This looks fantastic! Good to hear that this post is getting you rolling too...Michele's Crusades have opened up a new world for me and seeing what others share is always new and differs from one to the next! I too have not kept a "true art journal", but I enjoy what I have started working on and can see it becoming second nature pretty quickly!

Enjoy the journey!

[Megan Warren]

Great kit, so many things in there that I haven't included, have to rethink my kit. Funny how all of us who went to catholic schools seem to rebel from it! Good luck with the journaling don't forget to share some pages!

[susan w]

Thinking about your school associations, it is good to see that you are choosing to consign some to history. I tell my kindergarten students (AND their parents) at the beginning of each year (and throughout) that the FIRST RULE of kindergarten is "Don't Worry." I remind them often as we try new things. It does help. : ). Many goodies in your stash! Have fun.

p.s. don't worry

[jodi barone]

I do understand, but seeing your kit and your blog, I anticipate a month spent making magnificent pages, some raw, some simply lovely, but so many you will have a stash from which to pick and choose! Have a gorgeous March!
jodi

[JeriAnn]

Now repeat after me: There are no mistakes when it comes to journaling! In fact, I have come to believe that journaling helps us embrace ourselves imperfections and all. As you said, no one has to see it but you. So let out that little girl who wanted to write in bright colors and let her have at it. You are so brave and generous to share your fears and I'm sure that courage will give you the room to play. You already have made a great start with your excellent kit and art. Enjoy!
-- JeriAnn

[Lee]

Hi Ellen-Mary,
Very cool project and box of goodies!
I hope you enjoy every minute of the journey!
;o)
- Lee

[Cath S]

Great kit :-) Love the turquoise ink story LOL. I recently bought a few Inktense pencils but we're not getting on too well as yet. Think it is me, not the Inktense, at fault.

[kathy]

Awesome kit and photos... and you are in a safe place here... NO ONE will judge you... I hope one day you'll post about how you use the Inktense pencils... I'm curious, but don't need one more thing in my studio that I won't end up using! Love the angel photo... anxious to see what you'll do with it! All my best, K.

[tina]

great kit; loved seeing all the bits and pieces in it. we all go through that stage of being afraid; of being judged, of being graded. i struggle even now from time to time that my pages are not good enough....for what???? for whom???? i don't show them all but have learned that by embracing imperfection, you go places you never thought you could. I need to journal to empty my head and work through difficult stuff and to acknowledge the good stuff....the paints and stuff just make it prettier, but it is so freeing. let it all hang out. you don't have to show it but i am so pleased to see that you are making the first step...

[forcryeye]

I want to come over and play with your journal kit. Damn Catholic Guilt! If you invite me to journal, I promise I will not bring my ruler, and we will purge all of the guilt caused us by Sister Mary Whatever. Be free and your journal will happen!

[carin.c]

OK, LOL, I just love the statement, "No one is going to take my children away or foreclose on my house because my art journalling is dumbass"... SO true!!! - gotta remember this myself! I think, no I KNOW I am a victim of startitis too... but it looks like you are off to a really good start - here's hoping the month of March is a good one for your journaling!

[Sue in western WA]

Thank you for sharing your story. I wasn't raised Catholic, but I can sure relate to the suppression of individuality you experienced. I'm also not a visual journaler - a lot of the products used make me physically ill - but I am very interested in the idea of a visual journal. I write in a traditional journal every day and then make fiber art (not always related to what comes out in the journal though!). I love how art can heal if only we give it a chance.